After the Break Up

“Who am I truly without you reflecting back the love I have come to know.”

It can be so difficult to let go, to accept what is, following the end of a relationship. The emotional challenge: the death of what once was, and the grief of what will never be.

The ending of a relationship is something we endeavor several times throughout life; each instance characterizing a facet of pain that until then was untouched. Someone once equated the idea that wisdom makes for a less painful experience each time it occurs. Perhaps that perspective is wisdom of sorts…. However what I wish to embellish more so, is the process experienced following the end of a relationship, and the patience required with oneself through this pain if we are to facilitate the imparted gift of self understanding.

So many of us are challenged by the idea, the concept, the notion of having to feel uncomfortable. In this world of quick fixes, tactics that enable avoidance, deflection, or facilitate denial deprive opportunities that arise in outcome to situations that can feel so deeply devastating. Rather than creating the space needed for healing, perspective, and understanding, we shut down to ourselves denying the nature, the essence this pain touches upon, so as not to feel how or why it affects us so. Through that avoidance we miss our own opportunity. An opportunity to provide what’s needed for individual healing so that we may care for the wounds creating both pain and despair.

How can one reconcile their pain? Facing it in an acceptable manner in spite of the uncomfortable feelings we are made to companion with? With so many alternatives available to either occupy or stimulate the ego’s need for instant gratification we choose to numb. To shut down to ourselves in retaliatory conclusion, using drugs, promiscuity, or any other resource that entertainingly offers escape. But what do we run from, if not ourselves? And how did that become more convenient than looking at the true nature of the emotions, the feelings associated with what is being experienced? How does not facing ourselves, evolve us toward the higher beings we are made to become through these types of experiences?

Our most pervasive inquiry, the diligence of our focus should be to look within. To seek out a connection to the true needs of the heart. Once there, it becomes easier to understand the pain and provide the nurturance necessary to our own healing. Knowing and meeting those needs, our needs, with compassion, reveals ways in which to truly love ourselves. When we are able to achieve this, to face ourselves, and thereby heal through self adorned love, we can teach others how to love us through the wisdom acquired in knowing how first to love our self.

It’s time to fall in love again beloved.